Jerry's Retirement
"Jerry's Retirement" is the twentieth episode of Season 5 of the NBC television series Parks and Recreation. It originally aired on April 18, 2013 to 3.34 million viewers. Storyline Over her first year as a city councilwoman, Leslie Knope has worked nearly non-stop. Ben Wyatt feels it is time she take a day off to relax and spend with him. However, upon discovering that Jerry Gergich is retiring, she gets back to work in an attempt to send her colleague off on the right note. Jerry has worked in the Parks Department for 40 years without doing anything noteworthy, so Leslie goes about helping Jerry tick off his goals that he set when he filled out his original entry paperwork. She feels obliged to help Jerry as she doesn't want him to leave this job with nothing and go home to an empty life. The first goal she attempts to achieve is eat in the city council dining room, which can't be done. Next is to meet Mayor Knudson, which also can't be done as Knudson died in 1985. Another absurd goal was to have a building named after him (which couldn't be done given Jerry's work record), but as a compromise, Leslie decides to name the Parks Department's conference room after Jerry. The department then sends him off with a cake, but in true Jerry fashion, his blazer catches on fire, which requires extinguishing. Leslie is not satisfied, so the next morning she visits Jerry at his home where his entire family welcomes her with open arms. Jerry explains he is not fussed about not achieving his goals; he is more pleased with the fact that his time working at the Parks Department allowed him to always get home to his family in the evening. Leslie realizes that, while not how she would picture such a life, it is how Jerry filled his life and he is quite content with it. Meanwhile, Ann Perkins and Chris Traeger visit the fertility clinic where they are told they have every reason to suspect their child will be completely healthy, and if they'd prefer, Chris can provide his sample that day. But, with the concept of artificial insemination no longer just a distant thought, Chris and Ann get cold feet and decide to take a few days to think things over once more before rushing any decisions. At her house, Chris and Ann review the clinic's pamphlets on artificial insemination and are put off by the medical, emotionless verbiage throughout. After reminiscing on the good times they had "physically" together, the pair are immediately compelled to approach her fertility with a more "natural" route. This leads to Ann thinking it might be good for their child to have a stable parenting situation, fueling the idea that the pair should be a couple once again. In a B plot, with Jerry leaving the office, Ron Swanson proclaims someone will inevitably assume his place as the office joke. Tom Haverford takes every precaution to make sure he doesn't become the "new Jerry," but when he has a verbal flub in a meeting, his worst nightmare comes true. He is mocked to no end and implores Ron to hire a new intern so he can pass the torch on. This doesn't work, as everyone in the office immediately finds the intern to be a perfect specimen. Ron decides instead to let the intern go and bring in Jerry on a once-a-week basis, just so everyone can still enjoy the normalcy of ragging on their inept friend and his clumsiness. Quotes Jerry: a box ''Well, everybody, um... wow... it has been an honor and a pleasure to work with you all. The time I have spent at Parks and Rec have been the happiest days of my life here in the government. ''looks confused ''And I know everyone says it, but I sincerely hope that we always stay in touch. ''is silent with confusion Leslie: ...What the f**k is happening right now? Jerry: Today is my last day. Leslie, I am retiring. Leslie: learning of Jerry's retirement ''What??! Why didn't you tell us?! '''Jerry:' Well, I didn't want to make a big fuss. Although, I'm pretty sure I did mention it a few times. YEARS AGO Jerry: Oh, God, they're gonna fire people, aren't they?? Yeah, I am two years from my penchant! MONTHS AGO Jerry: up to April and Tom ''Can you believe it? Only six months left until I retire. ''walks off April: What did Jerry say? Tom: Jerry was here? WEEK AGO Jerry: the office ''Well, this is my last weep. Oops, I mean weep. ...Week! ''chuckles until he knocks something over ''Oh, geez! ''laughs Ron: Jerry, thank you for your service. his hand ''Goodbye. '''Jerry:' Thanks, Ron. That speech means a lot. April: Torturing Jerry was my favorite thing in the world... after making out with you. Andy: Remember when we did both at the same time? It made him so uncomfortable! both laugh Tom: This is a sad day. Who are we gonna make fun of now? Ron: No need to worry. Every place I have ever worked in has had a Jerry. When one Jerry leaves, the office naturally selects a new Jerry to fill that role. It's Social Darwinism - the strong prey on the weak. Soon, one of you will be ridiculed mercilessly. Ha! Nature. walks away as April, Andy, and Tom look very nervous April: Tom being overly careful ''What are you doing, weirdo? '''Tom:' Just trying to not spill anything. Tom: I made two pile files... chuckles as he stumbles his words ''pilo fibles... Ugh! Filo pilos! '''Andy:' Filo Pilos? That's not right. laughs except Tom '' '''Donna:' Are you broken? Tom: No! Everything's fine! April: Well, I guess that settles who the new Jerry is! laughs Tom: horrified ''No, it doesn't! I barely even said it wrong! '''Andy:' You said it wrong! Tom: Stop it! out of the meeting room as everyone continues to laugh Tom: the camera outside of the meeting room ''This is how it begins - the next Jerry. One screwed up sentence, and thirty years later I'm wearing aquamarine sweater vests and listening to Bonnie Raitt and "The Da Vinci Code" on my iPod. ''tosses a pen at him, he turns around and they laugh some more; Tom turns back to the camera upset ''It's already started! '''Leslie:' Okay, everyone gather around. Jerry: Leslie, I really appreciate this but I did promise Gayle I had to leave by 5. She has a tasty "surprise" for me, if you know what I mean. chuckles April: Gross, Jerry! Jerry: April ''She made a meatloaf. ''looks at the camera with a funny grimace Leslie: When Jerry first applied to this job, one of his goals was to have a building named after him. looks surprised as Leslie briefly talks to him ''Again, that is an absurd request considering your work record. ''surprise fades ''But I thought, maybe he could have a room named after him. ''hands Leslie Jerry's gift as Jerry looks excited ''So, henceforth, Park and Rec Conference Room will serve as a testament to your years of public service. ''places on the wall a plaque that says "JERRY GERGICH - MEMORIAL CONFERENCE ROOM 1971-2013" Jerry: touched ''Oh, my God! ''applauds; April slaps her face cheek instead of clapping her hands Jerry: his plaque "''Jerry Gergich - Memorial Conference Room"... "R.I.P." ''chuckles Ben: Oh, the guy at the plaque store thought you had died. It was a rushed job, so we didn't have time to change it. Leslie: It doesn't matter. We could just pretend it reads "Retire In Peace". smiles in approval Leslie: Okay, so bring out the cake! brings out a lovely cake with the candles lit and places it at the table ''Speech, speech, speech! '''Jerry:' Well, thank you guys! I'm not much of a speech maker, but I do like good cake. over and his arm sleeve is set on fire Donna: casually ''Uh, you're on fire. ''double takes and gasps as Jerry freaks out Jerry: WHHOOOOOAAA! WHOA! Leslie: Oh, my God, Jerry! puts out the fire with a fire extinguisher, covering Jerry with the extinguishing powder Ben: ...Well, that went roughly as well I as I thought it would. Jerry: I'd promise Gayle I'd leave at 5. I guess this is it. chuckles ''Bye! '''Andy:' See ya tomorrow, Jeremy! is sad to see Jerry go Tom: Well, pretty heroic, huh guys? Hard to make fun of that. Andy: the ruined cake ''Oh, man, the cake! Filo Pilo ruined the cake. '''April:' Classic Pilo. Tom: ''and upset ''What?? How's that my fault?? Stupid Jerry; should've never saved his life!